The fish-faced Frenchie

This whole assumption that I have that all French females have this innate capacity to be fabulous, elegant and refined has somewhat been proved wrong. I walk into Liam's kitchen to be greeted by a young French girl with half of her fish dinner (it made it worse that it was fish) smothered across her face repeatedly telling me that she was drunk. Another false stereotype.

 Anyway, we can hardly harp on about un-ladylike, un-refined behaviour when we spent half our night with a plastic bag wrapped around our head. The ladylike intention was there I promise- to protect our hair from the rain.

So the French had decided to have ANOTHER strike (i'm all for a bit of assertion, but c'mon), which made it a complete nightmare getting to the LC club which incidentally was miles away. So we remained stationary on a tram for a good 45 minutes, which lead to rowdy French people. So when we finally got there, with the memory of the rowdy French and the fish-faced Frenchie fresh in my mind, I was keen on the idea that the French aren't refined anyway so proceeded to dance to "I want some hot stuff" and do the Beyoncé booty shake to "Crazy Love" with my shirt wrapped around my hair like I was some sort of wash-lady. Classsssyy! It was absolutely FAB, but stupidly packed so we left when the claustrophobia got the better of us. The walk home was about four miles long, but I was kept entertained by Jess falling down potholes, Liam groping me and Louisa's rendition of the Nottingham chav (I learnt what a "whombomb" is), making me feel right at home.

I take it back.

You know that thing I said about no rude French people..? Yeah I'd like to take that back please. I woke up, albeit very late and had to run for my tram again (resulting in a very sweaty Ellie on the tram, stripping off as many pieces of clothing as socially acceptable) for a French Communication lecture. Considering the only French I have spoken and perfected time and time again is "Un orangina s'il vous plait" I was pretty keen to learn. (I know) Anyway, we all got chucked out of the lecture, basically because the guy was a complete moron and couldn't be arsed to teach Erasmus students. So I waited around for four hours for my next lecture...thrown out again. She too was a moron who couldn't be bothered to teach us and who was disgustingly rude. In the words of Annie "what a silly silly day!"
So another great day at l'Université de Nantes! Went to Bouffay and drowned my sorrows with "an orangina s'il vous plait" and went on to the Rosé...with a rizla drenched in saliva stuck to head claiming that I was Noddy. What a group of us; Noddy, Nick Griffin, Garry Glitter, Dumbo, Alan Titsmarch and I have no idea who the other one was. Basically we had to guess who we were and I won..huzaahh. Matt, the complete idiot, lost because he couldn't work out that he was Dumbo despite us telling him that he was a cartoon Elephant. We all wanted to punch him in the face, truth be told. Anyway we bought him two double shots of Whisky as a forefeit.

Receieved a package off Laz today with Malteasers (WINNER!) and some horrific socks which I have been strictly ordered not to wear out of the house, only in bed, alone.

So Jess's mum's curry: AMAZING. There was a Kurma, which absolutely blew my mind and a chickpea curry which was also amazing. I think Liam agreed too considering he had FOUR helpings. We spent the night watching youtube clips of Victoria Wood, making me feel more English than I ever have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZCIKjYDf1g
"Smear an avacoado on me lower portion" Brilliance.
I'm having an amazing time, but am really starting to miss everything about home life.

John suggested I put more references in my blog about him, as apparantly it would be more interesting. So, I have decided to keep track of the stupid things he says. I'll leave you with his "wisdomy";
John: "I swear to God a duck shouted my name at me earlier".

First day of university, 6:30am start...

Well first day of French University was eventful to say the least. If you know me, you’ll understand that it is a rare occasion that I’ll be out of bed after midday. Waking up at half six for my first day of university, therefore, was not dealt with too greatly. I stomped around my room, repeatedly mumbled something along the lines of “fucking joke” *mumble mumble mumble* “…if they think I’m doing this every Monday they’re having a bloody laugh” “no quality of life”, grabbed any clothes from my wardrobe, flung them on, forgot to look in the mirror and started my twenty minute walk to the tramstop at St Mihiel. I put my iPOD in and listened to “Stornoway – Zorbing”, which perked me up a bit.  From a distance I could see my tram approaching St Mihiel, which resulted in me having to run (once again, if you know me well, this is a rare occasion) and eventually try and squeeze myself onto the packed tram, with my face squashed up against the window for the whole journey – apart from the intervals where the doors opened and I nearly fell out. Not fabulous.
So there I was, shocked to actually find myself in a half eight lecture which was to go on for three hours, and baffled as to why none of the French students were moaning like I was, or barely even yawning. Is this the norm for the French? Well as I said, they’re having a laugh if they think I’m doing this every Monday. Anyway, we watched an Italian film “La famiglia” with French subtitles. As you can imagine, to begin with my mind was blown. Afterwards, she went around the class asking people to translate the film summary from Italian to French, resulting in us Erasmus students avoiding any eye contact whatsoever and making a sharp exit.
I really regret saying “Uni is yet to begin and to be honest it couldn’t come quicker –getting a bit restless now” now that I’m landed with early mornings in lectures taught in a language I have a minor ability of understanding.

On our way home from Les Facultés, I think I demonstrated to Livi that I do have a big heart as I grew very emotionally attached to this adorable little boy on the tram who resembled a mole. Yes, a mole. I expressed my desire to just stroke his face but was advised not to do so as I may be arrested for indecent face-stroking. Anyway Livi assured me she’s make sure he got off the tram okay…broodyin’ el.
I got home, and yes, I had a nap. I specifically bought earplugs on my way home to assure I was not woken by the other 100,000 people living in the house. Okay, it’s a family of eight (six adolescent boys, who seem to like running up and down the corridor non-stop). How dare they make noise in their own home? Anyway had a craaaaackin’ nap from 6-9 then met up with everyone and Jess’s Mum, who brought Dairy Milk, Galaxy and Wine Gums and is cooking us a curry tonight. I think I love her.

PS If you have Spotify, look up Christophe Maé - Je me lache. It's our Nantes song and it's amazing.

One in the bhuna...

I’m not sure this whole classy and fabulous thing is working out too great. I taught our new French friend Kévin a vulgar English phrase (which I shall not repeat because I now have class. Honestly…), to the shock of Liam who fell to floor on his hands and knees and jaw dropped not too far from the ground. From afar this concerned Jess’s friends from home who thought he was being a bit of a sexual predator in the middle of the road. Anyway, Kévin is a complete legend, very very sweet. This whole stereotype about the French being rude is yet to have been proven; I have not had one rude encounter with a Francais.

Most likely to "marry a tramp” and “steal off an old lady”

Well! It turns out after playing a drinking game in Bouffay (representing Brits Abroad) that I am the most likely “to marry a tramp” and “steal off an old lady”- NOT fabulous. Laz* would not be impressed. I spent the rest of my night trying to convince my new friends, with whom I’m concerned about the impression I’ve made of myself, that I have a very big heart. Livi tried to persuade me that perhaps people voted me most likely to marry a tramp due to my big heart. Stealing off an old lady however, that is unforgivable. The excuses that I was given for these accusations were pathetic truth be told. Jess tried to give me some bullshit about “we know that if you had to protect your best friend and that was the only way – blablabla”. But ended up admitting that I am the most ballsy. Ballsy?! balls·y  (bôl z )

adj. balls·i·er, balls·i·est Vulgar Slang

Very tough and courageous, often recklessly or presumptuously so.

I don’t want to be ballsy! Anyway, from now on - classy and fabulous, classy and fabulous.

*Laz - aka Lazza, Lazarus and sometimes "Mum"

An idiot abroad, part one...

"An idiot abroad" indeed. My boyfriend was telling about a new programme soon to be broadcasted called "an idiot abroad" and he thought it was very apt for my current situation, thus being the name of this "blog".  Current situation: spending my third year of my degree in France and Italy. First stop: Nantes, which as you'll see from the photo is a very beautiful city.

Now that i'm a resident of France, I decided it be a good idea to put it upon myself to have a change and aspire to become similar to all these beautiful French women – who have impeccable class, elegance, and amazing legs which quite often lead to moments of severe jealousy, self-loathing and determination to go for a run (which never actually happens). As Coco Chanel said, “A lady should be two things; Classy and Fabulous”. I am yet to be either, but maybe I’ll have a *cue pretencious voice* “real cultural and spiritual experience on my gap yahh which will change me, yah yah yah..”

But Eleanor McKeon, living in France – well who knew? It’s bloody marvellous and as I just told Jess my life seems to suddenly be coming together –I’ve finally bought my bin-bags, defrosted my mince and bought my bra’s which I stupidly forgot to bring; the 3 things I’ve “harped on about for the past 3 weeks”. The simple things…

Anyway, everyone is marvellous and I love them all – what hoots! Liam with his hilarious stories about homophobic taxi drivers; Claire who is very very sweet and has a never-ending wardrobe; Annie – our very own Bridget Jones (she comes out with some corkers); Jess, the one who gets gradually louder and louder the more wine consumed, who calls me Little Ellie (just like Lil Wayne, only slightly more gangster), Louisa- the writer-to-be who has such a way with words - whether it be describing her sexual habits or her toiletry needs she still sounds so very refined; Lauren and Livi two lovely girls from Cardiff who come as a duo & Kévin – our French sweetheart and walking dictionary, “Oh Kev, how do you say moobs in French?”

I received a letter off John yesterday, and it’s so so so lovely. Not saying I cried but… yeah. He wrote me a poem and it’s a-maz-en. So, as everything in our relationship is a competition (ie who can eat the most food - tubster that I am, I always win) I wrote him a poem back. Although I feared my poetic ability didn’t stretch much further than “the cat sat on the mat”, I managed to write about 7 pages. No doubt he’ll accuse me of “wafflin’ shit !” as per, but “I enjoyed myself, and that’s the main thing.”

Uni is yet to begin and to be honest it couldn’t come quicker –getting a bit restless now. I am very aware of that fact that I will regret saying this when I’m landed with early mornings in lectures taught in a language I have a minor ability of understanding.

TO-DO list (I swear to God I am always writing these lists, they make me feel organised despite that fact I never actually do anything I am supposed to do. Very much a procrastinator; instead of revising/doing anything remotely important I will find arranging my shoes into colour order to be much more of a priority)

- clean
- plan what to do for J Dawgs* birthday
- be fabulous**

* J Dawg –John aka Dear John, the boyfriend
** Fat chance; went to the “supermarché” without having looked in the mirror beforehand and caught a glimpse of myself in a car window reflection sporting close to Afro hair, previous nights makeup and far from chic clothing, unlike the rest of the French beauties here. I’m not sure the French are ready for this.